Do You Want To Separate or Divorce With Kindness, Composure And Grace?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
— Nelson Mandela
man overlooking mountain lake

Have you and/or your partner experienced a profound loss, transition or change that has you feeling disconnected, out of sync or like you can’t be yourselves around each other? Are you ready to separate, but worry that there isn’t a conscious, compassionate and healthy way to end the relationship? You may have discussed divorce with your partner, but aren’t sure if you are truly ready to be on your own. Maybe you have children and worry about how you can support their developmental needs during and after a divorce. Or, maybe you have already separated and are searching for a sense of closure, but everything you try seems to only make things worse. Perhaps you tried couples counseling in the past, but it didn’t help you resolve conflict or find healing, and one or both of you is ready to end the relationship. Maybe you have started or are considering divorce mediation, but you need help working through emotional issues so you can move through the process more smoothly and with an open heart. Do you wish you and your partner could focus on the future and go through an amicable divorce knowing you have tried everything to make your relationship work and made the decision with care, compassion and grace?

Many Couples Choose to Separate

Many individuals and couples make a conscious choice to separate. Yet, we don’t have many models in our culture for how to disagree or end a relationship in a healthy and honorable way. As a result, many individuals and couples feel trapped in unhappy relationships, worried they will make a wrong decision and end up hurting themselves, their children or their family. Some couples need a safe space where they can make amends and find healing before going their separate ways. Others feel overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities they will have to take on after getting a divorce and want help developing skills and strategies to manage stress, anxiety and life on their own. And, some couples begin working toward divorce before realizing that they really do want to stay together. You may recognize that you could use guidance and support, but aren’t sure where you can turn to find someone who understands the pressures of being in a high-profile family or high-stress career.

Fortunately, there is help and hope as you navigate the divorce process. Divorce recovery counseling can help you let go of unsustainable relationship patterns and see that you are stepping into a new world of possibility where you can create the life you want.  

Divorce Counseling Can Help You Make Confident, Empowered Relationship Decisions

Divorce recovery counseling gives you a chance to pause, take a break from the stress of the outside world and reflect on what it is that you truly want and need. I provide a collaborative, interactive space where you and your partner can feel supported as you explore the trajectory of your relationship and what it is you each need to feel happy and satisfied in your lives, whether they be together or separate. Together, we can work through any fear and doubt that may be preventing you from living in full congruence with your values, interests and goals. Both contemplating and going through a divorce or separation can be stressful, but it is also an opportunity to make a change and uncover dreams that have been on hold while trying to make your relationship work.

woman looking at the mountains

Our thoughts, emotions and behaviors in relationships are influenced by a variety of emotional and biological factors. It may be that a past experience, such as a trauma or a history of abusive relationships, is affecting your ability to feel happy and satisfied in relationships. I take a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), which can help you recognize and respect each other’s needs so you can separate – or choose to stay together – in a healthy, positive way. Where appropriate, I utilize Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a scientifically-proven trauma resolution technique that can help you resolve past issues and better understand each other as you move forward.

I have been helping straight, non-binary and same-sex couples navigate relationship challenges for more than 25 years, and I have supported many couples as they separate with kindness, compassion and care. There is power in healing and choosing to separate on your own terms, and I can help you find an authentic path and feel confident starting over. With guidance and support, you can make empowered relationship decisions and learn to foster healthier, more satisfying connections with yourself and others.

But, you may still have questions or concerns about divorce counseling…

I’ve already tried everything. Why do counseling now that we’ve decided to separate?

Divorce recovery coaching is about supporting and fostering the life and opportunity that is emerging for you and your partner as individuals. I meet you wherever you are and help you explore past experiences and relationship patterns that may be impacting your ability to feel confident, secure or satisfied in relationships. If you’re unsure if divorce therapy can help, I invite you to schedule an initial call. Together, we can discuss if divorce coaching is the right process for you.

Isn’t it selfish to focus on what I want in my life when the divorce isn’t even final yet?

We are all meant to shine, and there is nothing wrong with focusing on your own happiness and wellbeing. In divorce counseling, I can help you recognize your strengths and make empowered decisions. You can reach your goals and have your relationship needs met. And by taking care of yourself, you model for your children and loved ones that they can do the same.

I’m too ashamed to talk to someone about my relationship difficulties.

Many individuals and couples feel too embarrassed to share their relationship challenges. You might believe you are doing more harm than good by talking about how you feel and why the relationship is ending. But, by taking time to explore how your needs weren’t met in your current relationship, you can learn to foster relationships where you feel loved, respected and valued for who you are.

You Can Create the Life You Want

If you need help or support separating from your partner in a healthy, friendly way, or if you still have questions about divorce recovery counseling at my offices in Longmont and Boulder, I invite you to contact me at (303) 859-7410 to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.